I Found my old blog from Korea and thought I'd use it here in China as well since I haven't been very good at keeping in contact with friends and family back home and I've now got a proxy on my home computer that bypasses the firewall in China which bans this blogging site...why? I don't know...

It's hot here. There is a lot of pollution and it's a rare day you can see the sky, let alone a blue sky. I don't really notice it, until I see puffy white clouds and my eyes sting from an uncommon brightness known as the sun. It's so hot and humid that when I sit on the bus and get up, I have to check to see that I haven't wet myself. My roomate Lesley sweats a lot and can't handle the heat so she spends most of her day hiding out in her air condidtioned bedroom, beads of sweat run down her face just moments after she steps into the living room. But it's like that most places this time of year, though the smog and heat from cars, buildings and sheer number of people make it worse. I've heard rumours of a rooftop pool on one of the hotels and another pool in big park, but I've yet to bother.

My life here consists mostly of work, which I'm sure I've whined to a few about in an email or two...

My work weeks begins on Friday -- Sacralidge! :) 1pm-9. My co-worker Melanie orgainzed a planning session for our classes so the Foreign trainers could brainstorm for extra activities for our classes. I should go to the, I want to go to them...but I don't, mostly because I have a hundred things I need to do, though they do as well. Another reason is that I just have a "natural" dislike for meetings of anykind, I'm constantly squirming in my seat, anxious. So Fridays are the meetings at 2pm that I don't go to, though I might start since I now have an F1A class with 3 year olds that has been a nightmare for the two weeks I've had it. I'll get into that later. Normally, I teach four and a half - 7 year olds. They keep telling me that F1A is their most fun class...we'll see...

So Fridays I come into work at 1 and it's my 'easy' day because it's the second half of class I taught on Tuesdays and I've already got a lesson plan; usually I just have to go over it to remember what we're doing and come up with an extra activity or two.

At four-thirty I teach my first class: S2A. It's a higher level and only about 6 students and just one hour. I've had these same students for 10 months, so it goes smoothly and we have fun. I have two more classes after that, a half hour break in between during which I grab a smoke, go to the bathroom, maybe get a coffee, do attendance, go to the "Clubhouse" (required for one of the classes) and play with the kids before class. I should do portal comments at that time, but it's too slow these days. At 8:30 I'm done, quickly close down my computer, change and get the hell out of there.
I light up a smoke as soon as I'm out of the mall, cross the street and wait for bus four-twenty-one. I don't have to wait long. It costs about 5 mao (10 cents). For the first few months before I was brave enough to attempt getting lost on a bus in Beijing, I took taxis. They cost 30 yuan one way (about 6 dollars, which doesn't sound that much for a 25 minute taxi ride except when you compare it to 10 cents...). The bus takes around 30 minutes too, but it drops me off at the Agricultural Exhibition Center Station and I have to walk 25 minutes to reach my apartment. It'll suck in the winter, but I don't mind this time of year. I live in Sanlitun, a famous and crowded part of Beijing where all the foreigners go to party and eat non-chinese food. In a four block radius you can find the food of the world: Proper hamburgers, Mexian, Vietnamese, Italian, Thai and Indian curry.

The blocks are long and in the trees are lights that look like falling rain in various colours. There are neon signs and music coming from speakers and clubs, live and on CD, unabashedly competing for cutomer attention. In front of the restaruants, bars and clubs on "Sanlitun Jiao ba" (Sanlitun Bar Street) are food and cigarrette vendors, just meters from one another -- selling the same yang ro char (lamb kabobs), the same cigarettes, yet never lacking for patrons. The prices are right and the food delicious. Chicken wings cooked over open coals and peppered with spicy flakes, nan bread and various vegetables, Korean stalls serving boiled food (which I never liked), and grilled eggs mixed with onions and bread.

On my way home from work, I don't go down this street, but the main street that leads to it: busses fly by, taxi's honk their horns at the crowds of pedestrians entering the crosswalk when they have the advanced green, in an attempt to cross the street before the light changes. Bikes and rickshaws all pushing to get through the congested area the first chance they have.
I cut through the crowds, lost in thought, often jarred out of daydreams by a taxi's horn or a lightless electric bike headed straight for me. I cut through the Soho bulidings, the expensive apartments that cost minimun 20,000 yuan a month, three times what my place costs because they're western and new and I'd love to live there but who has 20,000 a month to spend on rent alone? I only earn 10,000 yuan a month...I wonder what jobs these people have and how can I get one?

Through the Soho complex are more restaurants hardly anyone goes to because it's brand new and a little hidden; but they have a stage below with singers or skate boarders; I walked through their a couple of weeks ago and interrupted a movie shoot.

So I don't mind my summer walk home, filled as it is with time to people watch and daydream; senses stimulated by raining neon and singing.

Those are the Friday nights I come home. Half the time, I don't. I stay over at my friend and co-worker Melanie's house in wanjing (the area I work in) because I finish late and have to be back at 9:00 am. But this is a long enough entry already. I'll write more later. Sometimes there is so much to tell, it's hard to start and that's why when you ask, I say, "not much".

Cancun and Montreal

Posted Today at 10:29 AM by amanda32

We took the bus to Cancun and checked into a 5 star hotel on the ocean, they messed up our reservation a little so the manager upgraded our rooms to ones with jacuzzi's on the balcony, which I enjoyed naked and with a glass of wine ;) Good times.

In the morning I floated in the light blue ocean, staring at my feet against a powder blue sky with perfectly white clouds; then napped a couple of hours under a palapa.

At the airport I spent too much for cigarettes and gum and beer, had an man with gold teeth hit on me, but I got an isle seat in the exit row ! Headed for Montreal, it was no surprise the people beside me were young and French and making out the entire trip. There were good-looking people everywhere! Speaking that great language.

The customs agent said, "welcome back home" which, after a year and a half of being out of my country was such a nice thing to hear. I was strangely touched. Especially after the last time I returned home to Toronto and was treated like a criminal for walking down the wrong hallway.

My French friend met me at the airport as planned, coming up behind me with a big hug that made me jump and the guy in front of us stare openly.

She'd gotten the guy from the hotel to drive her roundtrip, a man from Pakistan who talked too much for Marie; and he chatted the whole way, telling us about Montreal even though Marie had studied at McGill for 4 years....*shakes head* .

The hotel was horrible! But, it had a fantastic balcony right on a famous street and we had it all to ourselves with a wrought iron table. Marie had beers for us and we drank a while, then headed out to this pub with an outdoor garden where we could smoke. Vines crawled up stone walls and a huge tree swayed in the middle. Unprofessional waitresses who were too busy taking shots to take our order, so Marie had to head to the bar herself, again, waitresses and bartender too busy doing shots to even take money for the beers -- well, at least we got them for free!

Taxi back, back to the balcony; we watched the sky turn pink and then I had to sleep. Marie needed McDonalds, so I let her go. She came back wearing a "Bachlorette hat" (Lord knows where she got it from) and it was the best burger I'd ever had.

The next day, Jack is yelling, "Amanda!" from the hallway. I get up like a shot, thinking there is some emergency. Marie opens the door, our eyes barely open; "o, you're asleep sorry. I wanted to invite you to breakfast. (he continues to talk)"

Marie, "no. no." (closes door).

Then it was breakfast at a fantastic cafe (there are outdoor cafe's everywhere there!) followed by hiking up this great trail I thought I'd never make it up, being so hungover and exhausted from the flight. But, we took our time and chatted the whole way up, passing bikers and joggers, people walking their dogs. I was stopped in my tracks by a squirrel in the forest -- it having been such a long time since I'd seen one; forgot how cute they are.

We got to a clearin gwith a small lake, people on paddle boats, others having picnics and throwing footballs, lying on blankets in the green field, under trees. This is how people in Montreal spend their Sunday afternoons and I thought: "the French have got it right!"

Up a bit further to the lookout, we took pictures of the city from high up, grabbed some lebanese wraps and poutine (which, I was told I had to try) and ate it back on the balcony in a bit of a feeding frenzie. I'd tried poutine before, from the fast food restaurants but it was nothing like this -- really tasty stuff.

I hadn't seen my friend in 2 years since we taught together in Asia, but it was like we'd seen each other just last month. We drank more, played songs for each other, laughed our guts out and finally decided to head out again.

Ended up at this drag queen comedy show; which, was pretty damned funny. I got yelled at by the drag queen bartended for not tipping him one time. Then my friend told him off and a little while later he poured me a shot of whisky and we drank one together -- his apology. I hate whisky, but honesly, at 2 am, in a place that looks like Moulin Rouge -- who cares??

Stayed till closing and the next day it was pizza and beers and movies inside the room recouperating.

I took the train from Montreal to Toronto, it had wi-fi and great seats, I loved watching the scenery -- forgot how many trees are in Canada. The trip was just under 5 hours and I was sorry when it was over.

Montreal felt like a different country, but it's in Canada! I need to go there more often, they sell alcohol at the corner stores, everyone speaks French, the outdoor cafes, old buildings, new buildings, style, the way people dressed and spoke.
It was beautiful.
It was so good to see my friend again -- but kind of terrible since it just made me miss her more now that she's off to another country and I'll be off to China.
That's the double edged sword about traveling and meeting such fantastic people -- they're travelers too and we always move on.

I'm reminded of Judith Krantz book I read when I was a teenager: "'Till We Meet Again".

Mrs. Kang, Jeremy and me on our trip
to Pusan last year: Haeunda Beach.
I'm sorry, if I ever failed you.

Jeremy

This morning, whilst having coffee I was told via Facebook message that Jeremy had died yesterday in Montreal of a heart attack.
He was my co-worker for a year, his office across the hall. We used to play cards together; we drank too much at company dinners together; we even slept together.
I thought I should feel more when I heard. I guess I was in shock. Went to work, taught a class. No one else was there. I listened to a song, thought about him and couldn't stop crying. Then my co-workers came in and I was embarrassed but it was too late. I couldn't stop.
I cleaned up in the bathroom and taught the rest of the day but now I feel drained, even more so because Erin is coming up to Seoul tonight, should be at my apartment very soon and she and Jeremy were best friends.
I don't know if she knows.
I don't want to be the one who tells her.

Vacation

It's midnight and I can't sleep.
It's the end of my whole 3 day vacation. Back to work tomorrow.
Even I can't believe it, but I spent 5 entire days in my apartment, on the internet surfing, watching movies; completely content. I only went outside to the shop when I needed food, wine, beer or cigarettes.
I talked with Anne-Marie and Nadine and that always makes me happy. I tried to call Leah a few times but she wasn't home or no answer.
I don't know why I can't sleep. Very annoying.
I haven't gotten any invites from the French guy since I won't sleep with him, I suppose he figures what's the point in having beers with me and it's okay, not good for me to go to the pub so much anyway.
Nadine says she'll know in February when she can travel.

C.
Dot and her friends
Ah, the FOOD!

A terrible pic of me, but the only one?? Damn.

Thanksgiving Dinner

I went to Thanksgiving dinner at Dot and Ian's place and there was so many people. I was expecting a few, but 40? 50? And a massive amount of food! Ate so much. I think, I also met every single foreigner in Suwon, or so it felt.
C. was also there, cute as ever. I tried really hard to keep my distance and by the end of the night he was coming over to me and chatting. It's hard to concentrate on anything else when speaking to him because all I can think is how darn cute he is. At one point he comes over and I said: "stop following me, it's embarrassing." Of course it was just a joke. Then I was sitting on the couch and he sat beside me, a girl whose name I can't remember sat on the other side of the couch and C. kept leaning right over me to talk to her/hear her. Little bugger knew exactly what he was doing. I could feel his heartbeat against his chest and it's no secret I think he's really hot...since I told him about 4 different times the first couple of nights I met him and let him kiss me. But I refuse to gush all over him anymore, that evening included. Just being friendly. It's so hard to be around him and not touch him. At one point, when we were at the pub earlier in the week, I had to leave the darts area and go sit at a table by myself because it was too much. I can't remember a time when I was so physically attracted to a man. It's a little brutal since I know full well he's "just not that into me." Made all the less into me because his best friend IS all that into me. And I'M not all that into his friend. It's all very, "Rules of attraction." Laura likes Paul, Paul likes Sean, Sean likes Laura. No one is happy. I think I just have to stay away from this situation for a while.
I went into the city last night and met up with Patrick for a few drinks and dinner. Excellent conversation, as usual. I'm pretty sure he's an INFJ, unfortunately, I'm just not physically attracted to him though I want to be. Why does romance have to be so damned difficult? One INFJ, I'm INSANE for and just wants to be the dreaded friends. The other is hot for me and me not so much. Grrr...
K. told me I grabbed and kissed him the other week when we were at dinner after the pub. I corrected him and told him that never happened. He argued with me, was insulted, thought I was too drunk and forgot but that night I was very sober and I never kiss and...forget. Finally, I convinced him of the truth. This is another reason I won't be going to the pub this week. Have to keep some distance between him and I as he is convinced he can get me to change my mind about sleeping with him, which isn't going to happen and I'm getting a little tired of telling him so.
I have three days off next week. What to do?
Ordered some stop smoking pills. Very ready to quit. Smoking far too much and I don't like it anymore. They should arrive next week and perhaps by my birthday I'll be smoke-free? Would be nice.

I will try to Fix You

Good song I found.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pY9b6jgbNyc

I've been wandering aimlessly for months; thinking of others, lost myself. Done things to excess and now I feel, I've reached the end. I'm beginning to feel free again, clear again. Even happy. Maybe the "lights are guiding me home?"

End of November...
and only 4 months left. Now that its such a short time, I feel like it will go by very fast. In just a few weeks time it'll be Christmas and then there will be a New Year.
I really want this New Year to come because this year sucked. Next year just really better be better.
T. texted me, invited me to Thanksgiving dinner on Saturday night. I said I'd go. A bunch of the people I'd met at the pub a few weeks back will be there. What to bring? Hm...
Rob invited me to his housewarming party on Sunday but I declined because I really doubt I'll be up for it after Saturday's party.
I met Kevin at the pub the other night, C. was there as well along with some others. But Kevin. was quite drunk actually and kept putting his hand on my leg, telling me how attracted he was to me; asking me where he was sleeping tonight, his place or mine.
It got tiring after a while; always asking him to remove his hand and telling him the same thing.
He apologized the next day on FB messenger and I met him at the pub last night and he was far better behaved, though I wonder if he'll stop going out for pints with me when he realizes I'm serious and gives up. O, well, there's nothing I can do about that.
He called a couple of his friends from Finland who are here studying Mechanical Engineering and they came. We drank and talked with them for a bit; young guys, good manner.
C. was on his way but I wasn't waiting; there's no way on God's green earth I'm going to spend another moment chasing after sb. who doesn't want me, thank you very much.
On the diet front, I've lost absolutely nothing this month. Thank God I didn't gain any though! Considering how much drinking I've been doing. I've not exercised in....what over a week and a half? Have to get back on it, time is running short to reach my goal.
I met Laurie and Woody in Itaewon on Sunday and we went for brunch at Suji's. I really liked it, the food more than the atmosphere. We went to the second level, there were huge windows everywhere overlooking the city, the ambiance of the place was so classy, I felt...I'd arrived. I like Seoul a lot for those kinds of places. Berlin's Chocolate martini's, and everytime I take the subway in, I pass Seoul Grand Park and the Museum and the Race Track and I think: 'I have to check these places out one day!' I could definitely do another year here and never see everything I want to see. I've never even been to Hongdae or that island Anne-Marie keeps telling me I should see: Dokdo, I think it's called.
I picked up a magazine from one of the restaurants in Itaewon and circled at least 7 different groups I was interested in joining...so much to do here. Salsa dance classes Sunday afternoon, Taekwondo, book groups, hiking groups, learning Korean, Photography shops. Ah, but most cost money, I'll have to wait until I get a new job in the New Year.
My hogwon job just convinces me more and more that I have to get an MA TESOL and work at a university where's it's far more stable and you actually get vacation! And the administration leaves you alone to do your job.
I taught the dreaded LONDON 2 class last week; got so angry at the rude boys that finally I became violent and physically grabbed two of the by their coat fronts, fisted up, lifted them up fast and strong, and kicked them out of the classroom. When I told Kevin (manager) he said: "o, really?" I could tell he disapproved but yesterday when I taught them...hm, good as gold. Just needed a little discipline the little shits. ;)
Sometimes they don't believe me, because I'm a foreigner. take for instance the case of the psycho student I taught in the summer in M5 class. A boy about...13 or 14...sitting in listening class, doing nothing except playing with his exacto knife! Staring at it, running it across his wrist lighly over and over again. And when I tell him to put it away he just gives me a challenging look. Well, I'm not going to try and take it away from him! I can tell a mile away this kid is nuts. Seriouly, mentally disturbed. So, I tell Kevin about this and he takes the kid out of the class, has a talk with him and later says to me, "it's okay, he was just cutting a thread off his shirt."
WHAT???
He believes the kid instead of me! Yeah, he cut a thread off his shirt 20 minutes ago and has since been sliding it over his wrist. But whatever, just left it alone.
Fast forward to last week. Sara, the korean teacher I like quite a lot and have become pretty good friends with, comes into the teachers room, shaking her head. "M5" she says, "that student."
"Oooh, I say, yeah, he's crazy."
"Yeah!" she says. "What's he doing now?" She askes me to peek through the class window and tell her.
I say, "He's sleeping on his desk."
Then she goes on to tell Kevin that the guy is crazy. that he's been playing with the exacto knife in her class and whispering in Korean: "kill. kill."
Seriously!!!
Not long after, this boy "quits" the school, but the moral of the story is, this only happens when a KOREAN teacher complains about a student.
It annoys me.